I still remember being around 6 years old ,the year 1986, and I was a self assured little strong minded girl, being sent into the store to buy some Cuban bread for my mom. It was a small store, you could literally see the back of the store from the front. I use to beg for her to let me go in and do it. I knew how to count my money,pick out the bread for dinner and take it to the cashier. So it became a custom that I would walk in get the bread and pay for it. She never gave it a second guess . Flash forward 30 years, Can you imagine a parent in this day an age allowing their children to do such a thing? Sadly no, because the outcome would probably involve a “good Samaritan” calling the police and the parent getting arrested.
It seems every time you turn on the news or jump on social media you hear a story about a parent doing something that got them in trouble with the police. Something that chances are most of our parents did on a daily basis without thinking twice. I was an only child and was always over protected by many standards but my mother had no issues allowing me to complete small tasks. Even in a day and age when the reality of little Adam Walsh’s kidnapping was a very big reality(We use to frequent Hollywood Mall where he was kidnapped). Although I have 4 kids ages 8 and younger, all with different levels of confidence, I wouldn’t have them do something like that, even though I know how capable they are of doing it. Why, because I know there’s always someone watching and waiting to be a hero, even when their help is not needed.
I get it, because of the news and because of all the accessibility to whats going on around us,it’s very easy to walk around fearful of what might happen if we stop watching our children for even one second. However, when did we become a society of tattletales? Not ready to truly help but to feel so self important we need to be reactive instead of proactive? I know there are cases one can truly react, especially when it comes to babies being left in cars or children being abducted in cars. However, why are people so ready to call the cops in a situation and not ready to help?
What’s most disheartening is the judgment I see on pages when articles get brought up from people making asinine comments like “If you can’t take care of your kids than don’t have them”, or “If you’re overwhelmed than you shouldn’t have them”. That’s just ridiculous. As a parent it doesn’t matter if you have 1 or 100 kids there will always be that moment of frustration, that moment of anxiety, that moment where you really just need help.
Thankfully, I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve needed to leave the kids in the car. I always carry all 4 of them in to the store when I need something. I always take them with me to pay even when one may be asleep. It’s just something I’ve always grown accustomed to doing. I’ve always been a planner and figure out the best strategy in situations that involve my kids because well having 4 kids is a game of logistics. If I can’t get something I will call my husband to help. However, not everyone has the luxury of logistics or a husband to help.
I know I’ve also read comments from people saying that even though they’ve tried helping people aren’t always willing to get that help so it’s easier for them to call the cops. I get it people are naturally weary of a good Samaritan because we are being instructed to question everyone’s motives and granted there are a lot of crazy people out there.
I’m not saying to trust people blindly, I’m not saying to leave your toddler in the car while you go shopping, I’m not even saying have your kids walk 3 miles in the snow because we all did. I just think we need to stop judging every situation as the same and start having a little more empathy for that mom who is struggling or needs a little extra help. We all know our kids better than anyone else. If there’s a moment where true abuse exists I can guarantee you it won’t be that mom who happened to let her 10 year old and 6 year old walk to the park or play outside in the front yard by themselves. Having taught for 9 years I saw what CPS can do first hand and as wonderful as their reasoning for helping is, they treat all parents guilty until proven innocent. Can you imagine what a parent goes through in a situation like that? It can take months or even years before a parent can lead a normal life.
So if you see a parent run in to the gas station to pay and leave their older kids in the car. Maybe keep an eye on the kids instead of calling the cops. If you see some kids playing in the front yard, don’t assume there isn’t a parent watching them from the inside. If you see a child in a shopping cart in an aisle don’t assume the mom left them to go grab a beer. If we all start treating each other with love and as a community maybe there can be a change in the way society collaborates and interacts. We can all begin to treat each other like a village instead of a loan island. Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs out there and it’s never made easier when you have others trying to play heroes instead of helpers.
I am perfectly aware I will have a lot of perfect parents comment. But you never know when you might be put in a bad situation. As my grandmother use to say, “Don’t spit up in the air, because it will hit you back in the face”.
PPS: I am not saying abuse doesn’t exist. I know it does. I’m not dumb. I’m just saying don’t be so quick to judge that mother who truly needs help and assume she’s just being a reckless parent who’s abusing their child.
Comments & Reviews
So true. Leave parenting up to the parents not the cops or someone who has no idea of the situation.
When I was as young as 6 I can remember my mom letting me walk 3 or 4 houses up the road to get my friend to come out and play with me. We did it everyday, walking back and forth to each others houses. I live in northeast TN. The little hollow (or holler as we call it, lol) I lived in was part of the Appalachian Trail, so strangers were on our road everyday during spring, summer and fall, & our moms didn’t give a second thought to us kids walking to each others houses to play or ride our bikes. All the neighbors knew everybody and watched out for everybody and their kids. Of course that was way back in the 70’s.
WOW! What a Fantastic Review on When Did We Become a Society of Tattletales? I totally agree with you. People either want some recognition that they are doing good when they don’t know the situation or they don’t want to get involved! It’s terrible to say, but people are so influenced by the news reports and the newspapers that they just have one way of thinking! It’s terrible! I know that If I needed help with something little, I would take the help of a good Samaritan! I’ve often picked up pacifiers, shoes, etc. off the floor and taken them to the mother who’s child lost it! Am I supposed to just let it go? I’ve been lucky that I haven’t been told not to do that or something of the sort! Generally, the parents are greatful that you picked it up and took it to them! I know I certainly would be! I remember when we used to walk all over the place without a second thought! We’d walk to our friend’s house to go play and knew when it was time to come home. nowadays you just can’t let your child walk alone! God forbid someone saw this and calls the cops on you! Thanks so very much for sharing your fantastic review, and all of your personal opinions on the subject When Did We Become a Society of Tattletales? with all of us! I appreciate it and I totally 100% agree with you! Thanks again! Michele 🙂
I agree with you. If I see something that doesn’t look right to me, especially involving kids, I watch the kids until mom comes running back. I was taught not to tell on people for stupid things by my dad and told to handle family and neighborhood issues without involving cops. Cops were only called if large amounts of blood were involved or a child was kidnapped, which was very rare back in the 50s and even 60s. I recall my first and 2nd grade teachers making kids who tattled wear a kind of strange cap with the words TATTLE TAIL written across it and then they attached an actual paper or cloth tail to the back of the child’s clothing so that it dragged behind them when they walked. I don’t think anyone tattled twice. If you failed a test or didn’t do your assignments, you had to wear a pointed dunce cap all day and sit on the stool in the classroom for an hour or two. They didn’t worry about kids’ self esteem back in those days. People looked out for each other and if your parents didn’t teach you not to tattle, the school did. Thanks for your article. I enjoyed it.
I think that the “bad apples” have made us the society we are today. Too many people have neglected their children & then bad things have happened. I agree on keeping an eye out, which I did not too long ago. I was putting my groceries into my car and across the lane was a car with a kid crying loudly. I could see that another older child was in the front seat, but I went over to check on them. I was friendly & just asked if everything was alright. Not soon after, the mom came out & I mentioned that I was checking to make sure all was ok. She seemed kind of aggravated that I even cared. I was only trying to be helpful. So sometimes when you do care & try to keep your eye out for others, you have people that think you’re being nosey or what not. So it depends on the person. I am not one to call the cops, but I could understand why some do.
I agree with you. Where is our love for our brothers and sisters? The saying is , it takes a village to raise a child. It is true, but now people are afraid they will get in trouble. We need to rethink our values.
I love this post. My daughter wants to express her independence with so many little things that I would have no problem allowing her. Yet, there’s always that constant fear in my mind that someone else is going to be “concerned” that a 9 yo girl is doing something all by herself. I do feel like social media makes the problem bigger than it truly is due to the speed at which stories go viral and the ridiculous things people believe without researching. It saddens me when I think about what my children’s world will be like.
This is a good read–I really hadn’t thought about it quite like that before.
My boyfriend keeps saying that we are becoming a nation of sissies. I am starting to agree with him,
Loveee ypur grandmas comment 🙂 and you know the whole if you are overwhelmed with you kids dont have them is such and ignorant comment. Every one gets overwhelmed and has bad days.. I wish moms, and everyone else, would be supportive of each other instead of feel the need to be so judgemental.
Great blog. I completely agree that people should have more understanding for situations. I have 5 kids and my youngest are twin 8 yr old boys and I’ve been ran in a gas station to pay for gas when they were little but I always locked the door and left the vehicle running if it was hot. It’s hard being a mom sometimes and we should all be less quick to judge. Luckily, I live in rural north Alabama and people aren’t as quick to call the police in situations.
This frustrates me so much. I often have packages to drop off at the UPS store. There is parking in front of the store, I live in Southern California where the weather is mild, and since the postage is paid I literally just need to walk in, set it on the counter, and walk back yet. And yet I feel compelled to get EVERYONE out of the car to walk those 6 feet with me and then pile everyone back INTO the car and have to buckle their carseats (or fight/argue with my toddlers over who gets to do the buckling because they want to do it themselves and I’d like to get back on the road quickly!) because even though I could see them the whole time and it’d take me probably 2 minutes or less, I’m still worried someone would call the police during that time span. I read an article recently that had the pre-kindergarten readiness skills listed from I think the 70’s (and apparently at that time kindergarten was for 6-7 year olds or something, so that was interesting in it’s own way!) but one of the skills was the ability to navigate 6-8 blocks alone to get somewhere familiar. I actually think that would be an important skill to have, but can you imagine anyone letting their kindergartener walk 8 blocks unaccompanied? And I swear the biggest reason for not doing so is not because the child wouldn’t be capable or that something terrible might happen to them (because the odds of that are actually really low) but because the odds of someone else getting you in trouble are stupidly high :\ When I was in elementary school the bus dropped us off at the beginning of our street (there were a few of us that lived on the same street) and we’d walk the quarter-half mile home on our own. Nowadays I’d bet they’d never have let us off the bus without a parent present. Ugh.
I think social media is breeding fear in us as parents – a story goes viral of a child dying (and of course that is AWFUL) and then we start calling the police on other people when we don’t know the situation behind it. That being said, I would never, ever leave the kids in the car even for a minute and don’t think it’s ever ok to. Sad!
YES! Why must people stick their nose where it doesn’t belong? There was a time when they would at least come to you instead of running to the police. No wonder I am starting to hate (some) people!