How To Explain Custody To Your Child 

It’s important to explain divorce to your children. Here are some tips on How To Explain Custody To Your Child 

 

How To Explain Custody To Your Child 

Going through a divorce is never going to be an easy time, no matter how much it’s the right thing to do or even if you and your ex both agree, and there’s nothing to do other than go through the paperwork and split your assets. 

 

What can make a divorce harder, among many things, is if there are children involved. Telling them about the divorce in the first place is always a difficult and delicate thing to have to do, and getting that right can be stressful – plus, their reaction might not be what you were expecting, meaning more stress and a reassessment of your plans in some cases. 

 

Then there’s custody. Custody can be an even harder thing to talk about because not only is everything changing because of the divorce, but your children might have to move home or at least split their time between two places, and that can cause a lot of anxiety. There’s a lot to talk about, no matter who gains custody, if it’s split, or if the outcome of any hearing is unexpected, and it’s wise to have an idea of what to say and how to explain everything well ahead of time so you’re prepared. With that in mind, read on to find out more about how to explain custody to your children. 

 

Choose The Right Time And Place

Timing really is key when it comes to explaining custody – and your specific circumstances – to a child, and finding the ideal place is just as important. That’s why you shouldn’t just blurt out the information you need them to know, no matter how much you might want to tell them what’s happening. It’s far better to plan things in advance and work out precisely where and when you’re going to talk things through. 

When you feel the time is right, choose a quiet and comfortable place where your children feel safe and where they can express their emotions in whatever way they need to. A cafe or restaurant probably isn’t a great idea, for example, especially if their reaction isn’t positive. It might be better to be in an open space or even at home in their room where they can have their own things around them for comfort. 

Do It Together

Although circumstances will sometimes mean that you have to be the only one telling your children about the custody decision, perhaps because the divorce was acrimonious or there’s an issue that needs a child support attorney to be involved, or for any other reason – that’s down to you and your personal situation – it’s actually best if you can do it together with your ex. 

When the two of you sit down with your children to let them know about the custody decision and where they’ll be living, and with whom, you’re presenting a united front. You might be getting a divorce, but you’ll be able to show that you’ve both got your child’s best interests at heart and that you’ve agreed on the custody details. That’s going to put the child at ease and help them absorb the information much more easily. If it’s just one of their parents telling them the information. They might try to get support from the other, and that can lead to arguments and recriminations – or even misunderstandings – that no one needs and just aren’t necessary. 

Keep It Age-Appropriate 

The way you explain custody to your child is going to have to depend (or really should depend) on their age, and their maturity level. Being their parent, you’ll be the one who knows what that is the best, and it might be that the child is young but very mature, older but less mature, or has the average maturity level for their age, but whatever it is, that’s going to help you know how to explain the situation and what you should say to reassure them and stop them from getting too upset. 

Make sure you tailor your language and the level of detail you’re giving them to match their age and maturity level. Whatever that might be, as the last thing you’ll want is for the child to hear what you’re saying but not really understand it. Most important they not get the wrong impression of what’s happening. Remember,  if they ask questions, it’s good to answer them. Even if you’re not sure of the answer – we’re not saying you should make something up, but if you don’t know the answer, tell them you’re finding out more details, and let them know it was a good question that you’ll get the answer to as soon as possible. 

Be Honest 

It’s crucial that you’re as honest as you can be . Of course, without getting into details about your divorce that you don’t need your children to know about. When you’re talking to them about custody and what the outcome of a hearing might be. 

 

It’s unavoidable that change is going to happen, and they’ll need to be aware of that. A lot of things are going to change, and if you try to sugarcoat that and play it down.  Doing that will only  make those changes more scary when they come because they’re so unexpected. Use simple and straightforward language.  That way they definitely understand what you’re saying and explain what’s going to happen next. Keeping them up-to-date on all the changes is vital. Even if it might seem as though keeping the details from them is a good way to shield them.

Validate Their Feelings

It’s absolutely normal for children to experience a wide range of emotions when they hear about custody arrangements. You should expect them to go through lots of different reactions. The thing to remember is that each and every one of those reactions and emotions is entirely valid, and you need to let them express those feelings if they need to. 

 

In other words, let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Make sure you reassure them that you’re always there to help them. Give them the support they need when it comes to getting through the changes that are coming up.