Rainbows are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope.-Author Unknown
Nine Months ago I came to you with the tearful account of miscarrying my little precious baby. At that time the feelings were raw and painful ,sad and never ending. The thoughts of what could have been are still present in my heart, yet after every storm there is a rainbow.
My rainbow comes in the form of our newest little miracle that God willing will join us as the end of October. Ever since I had the positive pregnancy test feelings of anxiety,fear and stress have been constant visitors in my heart because I hadn’t resigned myself to God’s will . The what if’s,the stress, the anxiety of going through it all over again. Things finally began to calm down in my heart after the sonogram in which we were told everything was going well and we had a healthy baby on the way.
However, as I approach our precious rainbow baby’s due date I can’t help but think of the baby we lost. The life that could have been. The guilt of forgetting this little life that for a brief moment grabbed a hold of our hearts and never let go. However,I like to think that my angel baby’s legacy is stronger than a fleeting moment on Earth. I think of my Angel baby as a prelude AND a continuation to something great and as the guardian Angel to his/her brother and sisters. As well as the importance of a single tiny human life. I know my little Rainbow was not put on Earth to replace the pain or void I feel from the loss of my Angel baby but as a continuation of life, as a promise of hope and as an inspiration and understanding of the greatness of God.
So in a few weeks when the blessed day comes when I can hold my little Rainbow baby I will value that moment for eternity. This moment will not replace my pain, but give me a happiness to help continue to heal that pain I still feel in my heart. Until one day when if possible I can hug my little Angel baby again and be complete as a family.