As I sit here Sunday night after what has been one of the hardest weekends of my life I have to say I am feeling a lot better emotionally and almost at peace. The sadness is still very real and every time I let myself think about what just happened the tears begin to flow. I feel blessed at the overwhelming support,love and prayers I’ve had from all my friends and family and I know that has helped immensely.
That being said, I have to say a Miscarriage is one of the most hardest,loneliest,saddest experiences a woman can go through and like my sister in law said unfortunately it’s almost like a “club” that unless you’ve experienced it you really don’t fully understand the pain of it all.
After I began the “actual process of Miscarriage” which I have to tell you is worse than anyone can honestly prepare you for. I got a call from my priest to give me some words of peace as well as instruction as to what to do with the baby’s remains and I have to say as tough as many of our teachings are in the Catholic Faith I have to say there are many during this process that I am taking to heart and thanking God for. I did try to baptize what I could per the instructions of my priest. Here is something I found similar to what he told me to do.
However the main thing that he emphasized was because my little one was so “young” it would be hard to know exactly what to look for and thus through God’s mercy and our desire one day we will see this Baby in heaven.
My friend forwarded me the web address to The Church of Holy Innocents in which they have a memorial for children that have died before birth and give you the opportunity to inscribe your baby in the “Book of Life” where a memorial is always present in honor of all these babies. My husband and I decided to name this baby Guadalupe. All our girls have the first name G and well we didn’t know what this baby was since I was only 7 weeks along but we felt this was the appropriate name due to the fact that Dec.12 is the Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe Patron Saint of the Unborn.
I have to tell you all that Friday was not only tough for the fact that is when I began to Miscarry but because it was also the Anniversary of my Grandmother’s death. She passed away 11 years before and I couldn’t help but think well hopefully my little princess is now with my grandmother who I loved so much giving her all the kisses and love I haven’t been able to give her for so many years. It’s funny how God works and his timing sure is funny.
I know this is going to be a long process but thanks to my babies I have kept busy and I have to say I couldn’t have picked a better time to start Cloth diapering because that has really kept me busy to say the least. Please continue your prayers for me I have to go back in to the doctor tomorrow so they can see where my body is at. God bless you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support.