A week ago I gave you all the amazing news that I was pregnant and expecting our 4th child in June. However God had different plans for us. A couple of days ago I began spotting and after various blood test and what not it’s been determined that God decided this little soul was not meant to join us after all. The only reason I even have the strength right now to write is because I am feeling so much that no one understands. I am besides myself with complete sadness and I have to say that until you go through miscarriage you can not understand it. I am however in complete awe and appreciation to all my amazing friends and family that have sent prayers my way. They are giving me the strength to get through this incredibly sad experience.
I feel honored because God thought me valuable enough if for a few weeks to carry this special little being in my womb. It’s amazing how I could love something the size of a kidney bean so much. I’ve had a lot of well meaning people tell me “better now than later on” and I have to say maybe for the simple fact that what’s weighing heaviest right now is that this little soul will not receive the waters of Baptism. I think that is what is causing me the most grief and I pray to God that for some reason Baptism of Desire does exist and that my desire for this little baby’s baptism is so strong that he in his mercy will grant that request somehow. Please keep me in your prayers. This is an extremely hard time but I know that your prayers will help me get through this time.